My name is Jessica, I'm 18 and want to be a chef.

I was raised in a Christian home; very supportive and loving. I'm very blessed! I was "saved" at a young age, but obviously had to find God on my own and commit my life, not have my parents do it for me.  During college is when both of my older brothers turned away from God and have yet to look back. Therefore, the promise from God which I hold onto most is Proverbs 22:6 that when you raise a child in the way of the Lord, when he's old he will not depart from it.

I've never had a period in my life when I had nothing to rely on but God. Through this, doubt has formed in my mind. It has always been there, a dark, heavy feeling in my spirit, even in the strongest points of my relationship with Christ. This last summer, with Reggie Dabbs, I overcame this doubt. It was amazing!  God also revealed part of something he has done in my past. A few years ago, again on a healing night with Reggie Dabbs, I thought I was healed of asthma. Days later, I traveled to Arizona, where elevations are higher. Like clockwork, I had trouble breathing. Can you imagine the absolute devastation? This is where the devil planted the seed of doubt. However, I was healed that night. Not of asthma, but from the burden of it, a freedom from the mental chains. I proceeded to reach one of my goals: running for varsity on my high school's cross country team every year I competed.

Another bridge I've crossed only with God's help, is what every girl has dealt with: self image. Am I beautiful? I know so. Do I still have my days? Of course, yet God shoves my demons aside every time.

My mind is another bridge. I'm only halfway across this one. I don't care about other people's words, I tear myself down more. "He hates you. She hates you. Everyone hates you." "I'm so annoying." "I'm not good at anything." "I'm not special enough." "I'm not good enough to accomplish my dream." "I'm not precious."  Welcome to my mind! No, I'm not always like this, there are just periods where the devil attacks me until I break.  With each breakdown however, I get stronger. I'm finding myself in God. Not in who my mind tries to tell me I am.

Isaiah 43:4 "Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."

 

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